Living with Purpose: A Guide for the Beautifully Lost
Purpose isn’t something you find once and for all. It’s something you create, moment by moment, choice by choice.
Living with Purpose: A Guide for the Beautifully Lost
This is the third in a series of articles about ten qualities of a good human - dimensions of character to cultivate over a lifetime.
I bounced out of bed this morning, awoken by my alarm, which is rare; I often wake early and never really succeed in falling back to sleep. In the car on the way to the pool to swim laps, I even said aloud, ‘Today is going to be a good day.’ I recited the things that are on today’s agenda - including finishing this article, doing some paid work, oh and cleaning the carpet in my youngest’s bedroom because she’s tipped milk on the carpet again and the smell is awful. I also need to make the drive to the next suburb to clear my post office box.
Having spent years crafting mission and purpose statements in business, I’ve been reflecting on what purpose means on a personal level. I do think these are important even though some might poo poo them as ‘corporate speak’. I especially firmly believe companies must be clear about their purpose.
A purpose statement provides the reason or reasons the business exists, and a mission statement is about what you do and for whom. A company indeed exists to generate profit and value to its owners; that’s the nature of commerce. But a company without a heart, without a set of beliefs at its core, is ultimately disadvantaged. A company’s purpose can become deeply embedded in its culture, inculcated into the team, and, critically, reflected in the decision-making process.
How many of us, however, develop a personal purpose statement? Ironically, as I began work on this article, with all my business experience at hand, I realised I am not actually clear on my own purpose.
The Quiet Question
I reckon we have all had a moment, perhaps awake in the early hours, where we question, ‘Why am I here? What am I really living for?’. It kind of sneaks up on us in the quiet moments, maybe when out for a walk or sitting in the car at the traffic lights.
It’s not just about career or family or the next big thing. It’s about purpose. And, if you’re anything like me (or, say, most people who’ve ever stared at a ceiling fan for too long), you know it’s not always an easy question to answer.
Living with purpose isn’t reserved for philosophers, monks, or Instagram influencers with suspiciously white teeth and wearing floaty cotton clothing. It’s for all of us, especially those of us who feel a little disconnected, a little restless, and a little curious about what it means to belong, not just to others, but to ourselves.
Your own purpose in life evolves over time. If you have children, raising and loving them becomes a key part of your purpose. If we start and run a business or take on a new demanding job, that informs our purpose. If we volunteer for something, it contributes to our sense of purpose. My recent move to semi-retirement has shifted my perception of purpose (and moved my alarm back an hour and a half!).
But does that mean these all become a distraction to truly digging deep and considering our place in the world as humans, and conceiving our own purpose?
A couple of years ago, I jotted a list in my phone:
I want to lead:
A more purposeful life
A more content life
A less impactful life
A simpler life
A more helpful life
A more creative life
A more joyful life
What’s at the top of the list?! Yet I then promptly neglected to spend time considering this. Now I’m prompted by the desire to write about ‘purpose’.
Let’s start with a reality check. Most mornings, the most purposeful thing many of us do is decide between coffee and more coffee. There’s something deliciously ironic about writing an article on living with purpose when I’m just trying to get through the To Do list. Yet somehow, between these mundane moments, we’re supposed to uncover our life’s grand mission?
But perhaps that’s precisely the point. Purpose isn’t exclusively found in mountain-moving moments or career-defining breakthroughs. Living with purpose can be felt in the simpler moments, which, when woven together, create a meaningful tapestry of a life worth living.
Eleanor Roosevelt captured this beautifully when she said,
"The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience."
So, please do not think I’m any clearer than I suspect most people are. I have mastered none of this, but I am learning that the search itself might be where the real treasure lies.
Living with purpose isn’t about having your entire existence mapped out like a Google Map to enlightenment. It’s messier than that, more human, and thankfully more achievable than the Instagram version of purposeful living would have you believe.
Living With Purpose vs. Living On Purpose
Let’s start with making the distinction between ‘with’ and ‘on’. Coach Liz Taplin draws a helpful distinction:
Living on purpose is about intentionality—making conscious choices that reflect your values in the moment.
Living with purpose is about having a broader sense of meaning or mission that guides your life over time.
Both matter. One is the compass; the other is the daily walk. Together, they help us navigate the terrain of modern life with clarity and care. This article is about the ‘With’.
What are your values?
Before you can live with purpose, you need to know what matters to you. This sounds straightforward until you realise that most of us have never actually sat down to identify our core values. We inherit them from family, absorb them from culture, or stumble into them through experience, but rarely do we consciously choose them.
Yet identifying values helps create the platform on which to explore what your next steps might be. Think of values as your personal fundamental principles that guide your decisions when life gets complicated.
A few years ago, I added a tattoo - the words “Kindness Respect Love” in large letters running down the outside of my left arm.
These were values that I decided were crucial to me moving forward after my separation and starting the journey towards building a new life and constellation of friendships. At some stage, I’d like to add the word ‘Joy’ - this has become a value for me as well, but I was hesitant to add it initially, as at the time it seemed extremely aspirational.
I’ve read about an easy exercise you can do. Think about the last time you felt genuinely proud of yourself. Not “I got a promotion” proud, but deep-down, soul-level proud. What values were you honouring in that moment? Courage? Authenticity? Compassion? Those feelings can point toward what matters to you, not what you think should matter, and there’s a big difference between the two.
Steve Jobs, Apple mastermind and lover of black skivvies, put it succinctly: “Your time is limited; don’t waste it living someone else’s life.” The question becomes: whose life are you living, and is it aligned with what you value? I suspect very many of us would struggle with this: are we living our own life, or that of a facsimile that has been determined by what we think others think of us?
Please note that I am deliberately avoiding using the phrase ‘an authentic life’ as I find it overused and hijacked by social media influencers. But there’s truth in there, are we really being honest with ourselves about what really matters to us?
One of the most liberating realisations about living with purpose is that you don’t have to have it all figured out. As I noted above, there is a crucial difference between “living on purpose” (being intentional in your daily actions) and “living with Purpose” (having an overarching sense of meaning and direction).
You can practice living on purpose right now, today, without knowing your ultimate life mission. It’s about making conscious choices in the moment that align with your values. When your colleague asks for help, and you say yes because you value connection. Or you choose the more challenging conversation because you value honesty. Or when you decline the invitation because you value rest.
Mark Twain allegedly (allegedly because I’ve dived down several Reddit threads and nobody seems to agree) said, “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” But what if the “why” isn’t a single revelation but an evolving understanding? What if the purpose is less about discovery and more about creation? Back to my point about the search being perhaps the most important part.
Inspiring by Example
Here’s something counterintuitive about living with purpose: the more honestly you do it, the less you need to talk about it. People sense authenticity. They can tell when someone is living according to their values, even if they can’t articulate what those values are.
Your purpose is often tied to how you elevate others around you. If you are promoting others and acknowledging their contributions, then you are more than likely living within your purpose.
I’ve found this extraordinarily important in my life today. I make a genuine effort to be present for people, especially those who need help. I have learnt to dial down my ego, to practice the art of listening.
Consider someone like Dolly Parton, who has become an unlikely icon of purposeful living. She once said, “Find out who you are and do it on purpose.” Her life demonstrates this beautifully; she’s unapologetically herself, generous with her success, and clear about her values. She doesn’t lecture people about living with purpose; she simply does it, and people are drawn to that authenticity.
The same principle applies in smaller circles. When you live according to your values, when your actions align with your stated principles, people notice. Not because you’re perfect, but because you’re consistent. You become the kind of person others want to be around, not because you have all the answers, but because you’re genuinely trying to live the questions as part of your own search.
When Purpose Feels Elusive
Sometimes, the purpose feels clear and compelling. Other times, it feels as distant as a decent Wi-Fi connection in a coffee shop. What then?
The answer might be to focus less on finding your purpose and more on being purposeful. As Gandhi wisely noted, “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” This particularly strikes me because, in recent years, I have come to understand how important it is to my values to be of service to others, offering support, help, and other services to people important in my world. When we’re stuck in our heads, trying to decipher the meaning of our lives, sometimes the most straightforward path forward is to look outward, at how we interact with others around us.
This doesn’t mean you need to join the Peace Corps (though kudos if you do). It means asking yourself what small thing you can do today that aligns with your values and contributes something positive to the world around you.
Robert Byrne aptly captures this sentiment: “The purpose of life is a life of purpose.” It’s circular, yes, but also profound. The meaning is in the doing, the trying, the continuous attempt to live according to what matters to you.
The Courage to Begin Again
Perhaps the most encouraging thing about living with purpose is that you get to start over as often as you need to. Your purpose can evolve. Your values can deepen or shift. Your understanding of what matters can grow more nuanced.
You get to decide the person you wish to be. Let’s be honest, this is both terrifying and liberating. Scary because it puts the responsibility squarely on your shoulders. Liberating because it means your past choices or current circumstances do not trap you.
Australian Nick Vujicic, who was born without arms or legs, offers a powerful perspective:
"Often people ask how I manage to be happy despite having no arms and no legs. The quick answer is that I have a choice. I can be angry about not having limbs, or I can be thankful that I have a purpose. I chose gratitude."
Nick is a remarkable human who has accepted disabilities that would probably overwhelm most of us and parlayed this into an active life as a Christian evangelist and motivational speaker. He has written numerous books and even appeared in films.
His example reminds us that purpose isn’t about perfect circumstances—it’s about how we choose to engage with whatever circumstances we have.
What Purpose Is and Is Not
For those of us navigating midlife, friendship, and emotional depth—especially men—the search for purpose can feel isolating, yet purpose can be a steadying thread—a compass when the map feels blank.
For many navigating midlife like me, the question of purpose isn’t just philosophical - it’s deeply personal; this stuff matters to me. Indeed, I feel I carry guilt for not digging deeper years ago - except I had no idea even of the technique, let alone possess the tools. Instead, like so many, we are told to “man up,” “get over it,” or “find your passion,” as if it’s hiding down the back of the couch with the Apple TV remote.
The real work is quieter. It’s about asking better questions, listening more deeply, and making space for honest conversations about what matters. Purpose is about more than goals or productivity; it’s about meaning, alignment, and the courage to live in tune with who we truly are.
It’s essential to clarify what purpose is not.
WRONG: Purpose is a single, grand passion.
RIGHT: Most people’s purpose is a blend of small things done consistently.WRONG: Purpose is fixed for life.
RIGHT: Your purpose can (and probably will) evolve as you do.WRONG: Purpose means constant happiness.
RIGHT: Living with purpose doesn’t guarantee a life free of struggle. It often means facing challenges head-on.
As Alex Mathers writes,
"Purpose is not about knowing exactly what you’re doing. It’s about moving forward, even if you’re unsure."
The Quiet Power of Purpose
Living with purpose isn’t about being perfect, impressive, or endlessly productive. It’s about being honest—first with yourself, then with the world. It’s about showing up, even when you’re not sure you have the answers. It’s about finding meaning in the small things and letting your values guide you through the messiness of modern life.
So, the next time you find yourself staring at the bedroom ceiling at 3 am, wondering what it’s all for, remember: Purpose isn’t something you find once and for all. It’s something you create, moment by moment, choice by choice, and it evolves over time.
And if you’re still not sure what your purpose is? That’s okay. Sometimes, the search itself is the point.
Postscript
I’ve also drafted a set of steps to consider to assist you in arriving at your purpose, but today’s article was starting to look a little long to include them. Keep an eye out later this week for the follow-up, ‘So What’s Your Purpose?’ I’ll also pull together an infographic to provide a simple, step-by-step guide.