My Story of Christmas Loneliness
It's sometimes okay to feel lonely, especially during holidays. Be gentle with yourself and take steps to prioritise your mental and emotional well-being.
In the mid-1980s, I lived and worked in Alice Springs for two years. It was a fantastic place as a twenty-something, a real outback adventure. A town of maybe 25,000 people - many of whom were Americans employed at the ‘space base’, the Pine Gap satellite surveillance base joint-venture between the USA and Australia. Of course, they were all spies working for the NSA! But it made for an eclectic community mix.Â
The local supermarkets stocked exotic American products like Betty Crocker Muffin Mix, and left-hand drive cars were a regular sight on the roads. Occasionally, you’d see the huge US Airforce cargo planes swooping into land at the airport, presumably transporting.
The central Australian landscape is something else: the desert right in the heart of Australia, surrounded by the extraordinary MacDonnell Ranges, whose purple shadings are brilliantly captured by artists like Albert Namatjira.
I lived by myself, at first in a converted building behind the arts centre where I worked, then in a small two-bedroom flat - it was infested with cockroaches, and the facade festooned with bougainvillea, bright pinks and purples all year round. I occasionally had flatmates - I recall the local health food store manager staying for a while and berating me about how much dishwash I used because of the chemicals. And the drummer from a popular band who seemed to find a new girl each night to encounter loudly in his bedroom til the wee hours.
It’s the desert, so it rarely rains; when it did, we ran around outside in excitement and then watched the levels of the Todd River rise. Before the government built flood mitigation measures, the river would overflow once or twice a year, the water rising up into the town centre. I recall one day when we couldn’t reach the local council offices to pick up our wages - because the offices were flooded.
The emergency services would station vehicles on either side of the river as a couple of bridges often became impassable; the river bisects the town, so it was crucial that they could respond to both halves of the population.
Being so remote and small, only a short drive out of town takes you away from all the artificial lighting; you can lie in a dry creek bed and see the full majesty of the night sky, unimpeded by cloud or human interference. It’s a magical experience.
However, there were the downsides. Alice Springs is literally a long way from anywhere. Alice Springs is some 1,500 kilometres from the nearest capital city. In the 1980s, airfares were very expensive for someone like me on a low salary. Indeed, one of my years there was the great airline pilot strike, lasting almost six months and effectively cutting Alice Springs off.
My family were all in Darwin, so visiting them wasn’t possible, whether at Christmas or some other time. Even telephone calls were expensive, so they were saved for major occasions or news. This meant I was alone for Christmas.Â
A family I knew asked if I would housesit for them whilst they travelled ‘down south’ to Adelaide for a few weeks over the Christmas holidays - the primary reason was they needed someone to look after their dog. I readily agreed - this was when I lived in a shack that even boasted an outside toilet until it was finally moved indoors. It is great fun at 3 am as you check the toilet seat for redback spiders. You really don’t want one biting you on the bum; it’s going to mess up your whole week - if you survive.
The dog turned out to be a huge German Shepherd, which, to add to the fun, was a haemophiliac. I was given stern warnings about keeping a close eye on him and to call the vet immediately at the first sign of any problems. Then, they showed me how I needed to hold his jaw and shove a pill down his throat every morning. That was when I started to regret my initial enthusiasm!
On Christmas Day, I roasted a chicken and sat quietly eating lunch. It was a strange experience. I had never been alone for Christmas previously. There was nothing to do, nobody to visit, no work for a couple of weeks. Average temperatures in Alice Springs in December push towards 40 degrees centigrade, so you have second thoughts about even going for a postprandial stroll.
Of course, back then, there was no internet or streaming TV to binge-watch - just myself and my thoughts to occupy me.Â
I still recall feeling a mixture of emotions but not really properly processing how I felt. Perhaps an emptiness, a nothingness. My emotional immaturity didn’t truly allow me to understand how I felt. So I sat there in silence, eating my chicken, feeling nothing.
I think this is likely one of the loneliest moments in my life.
Today, I know I could reduce my loneliness if I find myself in the same situation. Spending Christmas alone can be challenging, but there are several ways to combat loneliness during the holiday season:
Connect with loved ones: If possible, reach out to friends or family members, even if it's just through video calls or phone conversations. Sharing your feelings of loneliness with someone you trust can provide emotional support.
Volunteer: Consider volunteering at a local charity or community organisation. Helping others can be a fulfilling way to spend time and connect with people with similar values.
Attend community events: Many communities organise holiday events, such as tree lighting ceremonies, carol singing, or food drives. Participating in these activities can help you feel more connected to your community.
Plan a virtual gathering: If you can't be with loved ones in person, organise a virtual Christmas gathering via video call. You can still share stories, play games, and enjoy online company.
Focus on self-care: Use this time to take care of yourself. Engage in activities you enjoy, whether reading, cooking, or watching your favourite movies. Self-care can help improve your mood and reduce feelings of loneliness.
Reach out to support services: If you're struggling with loneliness or mental health issues during the holiday season, don't hesitate to seek professional help or reach out to support services in your area.
Create your own traditions: Establishing your own holiday traditions, such as cooking a special meal or going for a nature walk, can make the day feel meaningful and less lonely.
Embrace the spirit of giving: Consider giving small gifts or acts of kindness to neighbours or strangers. These gestures can create a sense of connection and joy.
Stay active: Physical activity can boost your mood and reduce feelings of loneliness. Go for a walk, do some yoga, or engage in any form of exercise that you enjoy.
 Practice gratitude: Reflect on the positive aspects of your life and what you're grateful for. Cultivating a sense of gratitude can help shift your focus away from loneliness.
Remember that it's sometimes okay to feel lonely, especially during holidays. Be gentle with yourself and take steps to prioritise your mental and emotional well-being.
"Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love!" - Hamilton Wright Mabie
Next time: Loneliness in a hyperconnected world
Fantastic thank you for writing this one.
I have had plenty of times over my life of being alone during the festive period. It reminds me of how fortunate I am now with loved ones and friends to share this time with.