We're Back. And Loneliness Still Abounds
At first glance, contentment is an odd starting point for revisiting the topic of loneliness. However, it provides the distance and space I need to examine my emotions and history more dispassionately
Two and a half years ago, I was despondent. Having been separated for two years and experiencing a few unsuccessful attempts at dating, I poured my feelings of loneliness into an article titled 'I'm 54 Years Old and Been Lonely My Whole Life.' I bravely published it on Elephant, and to my astonishment, the response was overwhelming. The comments, direct messages, and Facebook friend requests poured in. It became glaringly obvious that my words had struck a chord with so many out there.
Inspired by this unexpected connection, I felt compelled to delve deeper into my thoughts. Let me be clear: I'm not academic and possess no special qualifications or insights. Yet, writing about my loneliness started scratching the surface of something deeper within me, challenging me to confront something I had long ignored.
Almost as swiftly as I embarked on this journey, something remarkable happened - I began dating a wonderful person with whom I grew increasingly intertwined. We shared holidays, countless days and nights and spoke about our future together, mapping out our path.
My social life experienced a resurgence; we became pivotal members of a highly successful pub trivia team and attended parties, celebrations, and birthdays. Encouragingly, I encountered new people who offered the possibility of eventual friendship and connection. My ideas about writing on loneliness receded into the background - how could I revisit that theme when everything in this new phase of my life seemed so positive?
Then, without warning, it all came crashing down one day - our relationship ended abruptly, not by my choice. There was nothing inherently wrong with me; I simply found myself a lower priority in their life. I packed their belongings, left at my place and returned them via courier. I declined an offer to 'talk about it' because, quite frankly, my overloaded mind couldn't handle it.
I found myself back in the realm of singledom. Simultaneously, my business began to consume more of my time, alongside my responsibilities as a parent, taking care of my family, and maintaining my home. Life kept me busy.
Slowly but surely, my life began to change. I encountered new people who introduced me to fresh perspectives. It's been a gradual evolution, but today, I can genuinely say I feel more content than I have in decades.
At first glance, contentment is an odd starting point for revisiting the topic of loneliness. However, upon reflection, it provides the distance and space I need to examine my emotions and history more dispassionately.
Here are a few themes that have been brewing in my mind:
Bullying and loneliness - This was originally intended to be my next article all those months ago, and I'm revisiting those half-formed thoughts.
Male loneliness - I like to call it the "pub test." Can I pick up the phone today and call three male friends out of the blue to invite them for a beer? I'd fail this test. The loneliness experienced by men is pervasive.
Communication in a relationship - I'm the first to admit that a woeful lack of communication skills marked my emotional drought in the past.
In any case, let's see how this journey unfolds. I am much more committed when I publicly declare my intentions. Consider this article as that declaration. May my determination rebound, and may the words flow! Keep an eye out for some upcoming articles in the coming weeks. Please share them with your friends or feline companions if you find them insightful.